“Hello,” Stephanie answered as she drove home from Hibaldton Primary school after a day of teaching.

“Hello, is this Stephanie Rhodes?” asked a gruff voice.

“Yes?”

“This is Harry Paine. I saw the article in the paper about you solving mysteries and…I err wondered if you could help me with a problem I ‘ave.”

Stephanie frowned and pulled her white Fiesta over to talk properly.

“Who gave you my number?”

"Sam, I work on his farm”

Stephanie rolled her eyes while making a mental note to tell Mark’s dad, not to give away her personal details.

“Oh, well I’m just on my way home, where do you live?”

Harry gave his address and when Stephanie realised it was just around the corner, she decided she might as well pop in.

She had lived in the village most of her life, but now she was beginning to be well known for solving mysteries, it was better than being known as the Angel of Death anyway. So far, every mystery had involved a dead body, she hoped this one didn’t.

#

As she waited for Harry to come to the door, she looked around at the broken fence panel and the overgrown garden. She probably should have asked one of her friends from the “Mystery Club” to visit him with her.

The door opened to reveal, a large man in his mid-forties with a scruffy grey beard, baggy t-shirt and joggers.

“That was quick,” he said standing back to let Stephanie in.

They entered the front room and Stephanie stared in surprise. The room was devoid of any furniture apart from a faded deck chair next to a small plastic table and an enormous TV on the wall. Under it was a dark wooden shelf unit packed with PlayStation games, the controller lay nearby, and a football game was paused on the screen.

“Erm, how can I help?” Stephanie asked Harry as he unfolded a garden chair for her to sit on.

Harry then leant back on his seat with a creak and reached for a beer from the table.

“So, you think you can solve stuff then,” he sniffed before finishing his can.

“That depends on what the problem is, I suppose,” Stephanie answered, feeling uncomfortable. “Erm…have you just moved into the area?”

She looked over to the corner of the room where three boxes were balanced on top of one another.

“No, my wife left me and took all my furniture as a matter ‘o’ fact.”

“Oh… that must have been quite a shock.”

Harry barked a harsh laugh and continued to stare at Stephanie.

With a gulp, Stephanie asked, “So… when did this happen?”

“Two years ago,” he replied casually.

Stephanie felt her mouth open and quickly closed it. She couldn’t think of anything to say, and that was unusual for her.

Harry didn’t seem to notice.  “I came home from my dart’s game and all of it was gone. At first, I thought we’d been burgled, but then I found the note. Can you believe it? … a bloody note, after twenty years of marriage. I went next door to see if they’d seen anything, and they told me Laura had hired a big van and… that was that. She cleaned me out. She took the settee, telly, shelves and even the bed.” He noticed Stephanie glance at the large TV and continued, “Got myself that, Laura would never ‘ave let me get it.”

Stephanie shuffled on her wooden chair and waited for him to continue, but when he didn’t, she asked, “So… do you want me to find your furniture?”

Harry looked confused for a moment then shook his head.

“No, I know where it is. She lives in Sowerby.” He pointed in the general direction of the next village. “I used to see her about 6 ish, walking our dog but I haven’t seen her recently… and when I have, she was on her own. I want you to find out what happened to him, I love that dog. She’d better not have given him away or sold him. I want joint custody.”

Stephanie’s first thought, while looking around the room, was that she couldn’t blame his wife for leaving him. Secondly, she wondered if he was stalking her. She didn’t want to be an accessory to him snooping on the poor woman.

“Well, it’s not exactly a mystery…”

Harry seemed to read her mind, “I only saw her by accident, I used to see her when I drove past on the way to the supermarket.”

Stephanie was still unsure.

“Can you help or not? Sam said you would.”

Stephanie sighed and put her hand out.

“Do you have her address?” she asked.

#

Stephanie drove along the country road, turning right by the red phone box and then parked up outside Laura’s house. It looked like she was at home as there was a small green car in the drive.

After pressing the doorbell, she stood on the doorstep wondering why she was listening to the tune of ‘Santa Clause is Coming to Town.’

Laura answered the door and laughed, “Oh sorry, it keeps playing random songs, it’s funny I didn’t know it played that one. What d’you want?”

“Erm, it’s about your husband…”

“Oh, what’s he done now?” She rolled her eyes as if she was fed up with hearing about him.

“He asked me to tell you that he’s worried about you,” Stephanie lied. She would build up to the stalking conversation later.

“Do you want to come in?”

Stephanie thought that Laura looked quite a bit younger than Harry, she had short brown hair and was wearing a baggy t-shirt and leggings. She leant against the cooker and gestured for Stephanie to sit at the table.

“So, what did he have to say for himself? You know, I left him two years ago and he still thinks of excuses to talk to me.”

Stephanie took a breath and began. “He told me that when he drives through your village…”

“Yeah, I see him in his scruffy, blue van, can’t miss him,” she smirked.

Stephanie nodded, relieved that she’d seen him.

“Do you think he still misses you?”

Laura laughed, “More like he misses the sex and the washing.”

This answer was unexpected, and Stephanie wasn’t sure how to reply.

“The washing?” Stephanie asked, immediately regretting it.

“You know… housework an’ that.”

Stephanie let out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding and  in case Laura was going to talk about the sex, she quickly added, “Harry also mentioned that he hadn’t seen your dog for a while.”

“Well, that’s not a surprise… cos he’s dead.”

“Dead?”

Again, unexpected.

“He died in January. I suppose you’re wondering why I didn’t tell Harry…” She shrugged and looked down at her pink furry slippers. “I suppose I knew he’d be upset, cos he loved that dog… He never took it for a walk though, it was all down to me. Well except when he used it as an excuse to go to the pub. I’ve still got the ashes in the front room.”

“I’m sorry, I suppose I could break the news to him, if you’d like,” Stephanie suggested.

Laura nodded, “Yeah, if you don’t mind. What state’s the house in?”

Stephanie stood up slowly and tried to think of something nice to say about it.  “It’s clean,” she said.

#

Once again, Stephanie found herself driving homeward and parked up outside Harry’s house. It was nearly five o’clock and she told herself to be quick as she had lots of marking to do.

When Harry opened the door, Stephanie decided to just tell him straight.

“I went to see your wife and the thing is… I’m afraid I have some bad news Harry, your dog died.”

Harry gave a hiccup and a belch escaped.

“Why didn’t she tell me? I know why, cos she’s evil, that’s why,” he said slurring his words slightly. “She hates me and she’s doing this cos she wants to see me suffer.” He swayed slightly as he spoke.

Stephanie slowly backed away. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you more,” she said politely.

Harry looked up with tears in his eyes and asked, “Did she bury him?”

“No, she has his ashes.” Stephanie continued walking away.

“Then I still want my dag bock… I mean dog back. Ask her for the ashes, please. I’m begging you, it’s all I have.”

Stephanie sighed, she had nearly got out of the gate, so close yet so far. Damn it, why did she feel sorry for him?

Stephanie started the engine, annoyed with herself for not going straight home, when her phone rang again, it was her Grandma Bettie this time.

“Hi Grandma.”

“Is that you Stephanie?”

“Who else would call you grandma?”

“Can you take me home?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at the Pet Shop Café. You know where it is don’t you?”

“Yeah, I’m just down the road, I’ll be there in a minute.”

#

A few moments later Stephanie’s Grandma was in the car.

“Thanks love,” Grandma Bettie said as she struggled to put on her seat belt.

Stephanie helped her pull the belt around her frail but feisty grandma.

“Arthur was supposed to be taking me home, but he just got bitten by a llama, so he’s had to get a tetanus shot at the hospital.”

“Gosh, is he alright?”

“He’ll be fine, his daughter took him. He got bitten on his bottom, so he had to lay on the back seat of her car. Hee hee, it was hilarious.”

Stephanie shook her head and smiled. Grandma seemed to have more adventures than she did.

Stephanie drove off and explained that they would be taking a detour.

 “I’m taking you home but first I need to see a woman about a dog.”

Stephanie told Grandma the story so far.

“I’m very good at solving mysteries, I could be like Mrs Marbles.”

“You mean Miss Marple,” Stephanie laughed. “Okay, but I want you to promise to let me do the talking.”

It wasn’t long before they were in Laura’s front room. Stephanie was sitting on the settee next to Laura, and Grandma Bettie was standing at the fireplace being nosey looking at the ornaments and picture frames.

“To be honest Laura, I’m sure you had a good reason to leave Harry, and it’s none of my business, but …” Stephanie thought she’d better come up with a better reason than he missed their dog. “The first thing he said, when I told him, was- ‘Is Laura okay?’”

Grandma Bettie made a funny noise that was a cross between a laugh and a cough. Stephanie gave her grandma a warning look.

“Really?” Laura looked shocked. “He’s had plenty of time to ask me, it’s been two years!”

“I know…but he seemed so sad. He was just sitting there, with no furniture.”

“No furniture? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“No, just a giant TV.”

Laura looked over at her medium sized, out of date television and huffed.

Stephanie decided to get to the point as she could see her grandma starting to fidget. Knowing her grandma’s habit for mischief, she thought she’d better get a move on.

“Harry misses you so much, but if he can’t have you, he wondered if you could have the heart to let him have the dog’s ashes.”

Stephanie held her fingers crossed behind her back; she’d told a few white lies, but she did feel that Harry really did miss her. To Stephanie’s surprise, Laura burst out laughing, she leant forward, arms holding her stomach and wheezed until Stephanie grew worried that she was going to pass out. When she finally sat up, tears were streaming down her face.

“After all the years we’ve been together, he’s never told me he misses me. I don’t care, he’ll have to beg me for them ashes…Oh heck, excuse me, I just need a tissue,” she sniffed, leaving the room.

As soon as Laura had left, Bettie pointed to a polished wooden box, and whispered, “look, it’s the ashes, I must say it’s a nice urn, very tasteful, I bet that cost a bob or two.”

Laura returned blowing her nose as Stephanie stood up.

“I’m really sorry to have interrupted you like this; I hope it didn’t bring back bad memories.”

“No, actually… It’s been a while since I’ve had such a good laugh. To be honest, I’ve been on a few dates, but nothing’s come of it.”

Stephanie walked out talking to Laura about dating and Grandma Bettie followed behind.

#

Stephanie sighed as she drove her grandma home.

“Today has been such a weird day,” Stephanie said as she drove down the straight road between the villages.

“Well, at least we have one success,” Grandma said with a cackle that closely resembled a witch who had just perfected her potion.

Stephanie glanced sideways and nearly drove into a ditch.

“What an Earth? You stole the dog’s ashes!”

#

On the way home, Stephanie decided to just take the ashes to Harry, she was tired, and after all, Laura would know who had them.

Harry stood, gobsmacked, on his doorstep. He turned the urn around in his hands slowly with a confused look on his face.

“Why has she given me Reggie?” he finally asked.

Stephanie looked at the brass name plate which read ‘Reggie RIP.’

“To be honest, she didn’t. I tried to persuade her, but she said you had never taken him out anywhere.”

“That’s cos he always wanted to go to the Memorial Club. I prefer the Old Mill pub.”

“That’s strange. Anyway, when she left the room it kind of ended up in my car…and you said that you wanted the dog back,” she winced, her voice fading.

“But our dog was called Boris.”

Stephanie took a step backwards.

“So… who’s Reggie?”

“Laura’s dad!”

“Grandma stole Laura’s dad?”

#

A few days later, Stephanie was in the kitchen when the phone rang, and Harry was the last person Stephanie expected to hear from.

“Hello,” she said, dreading the worst.

“I just wanted to thank you for all your help. Laura and me are back together and it’s all because of you.”

“Really?” Stephanie was wondering if he was being sarcastic.

“Yeah,” he laughed. “She came round to exchange the ashes, and well… one thing led to another… you know.” Stephanie could almost see him wiggling his eyebrows at her.

“Oh!” Stephanie absolutely did not want to know the details. “Well, I’m glad to hear it Harry. Did she say she’d missed you?”

“She said it was because her TV had gone on the blink, but I can tell she’s glad to be back home. Anyway, thanks again. What do we owe you?’

“Nothing, I’m just glad I could help.”

Stephanie smiled to herself as she put her phone down. Another case solved and no dead bodies… well not exactly.

THE END